the bane about reputations...

i woke up this morning and for some yet unknown reasons, i remembered a conversation i had with a female friend, a close one, one of my many "sisters" that i have collected over the years. it went something like this...

* * * * * *
she: so bro, when was your last time?
me: (gazing up from my book) my last what?
she: you know, your usual sexcapades.
me: well... (thinking) about...
she: about?
me: (beaming with pride) its gonna be three months.
she: (curls up her middle finger and gives me the infamous sigil then..) fuck you! yeah right, 3 months my ass!
* * * * * *

i was gonna argue then, but i just laughed. whats the point of arguing when they won't believe me, no matter how true it was that it would have been 3 months since my last sacking in the sheets? i could not blame her that time, and i have not blamed her eversince, but it got me to thinking how reputations can somehow stick to us, like when your eating peanut butter, the way it sticks to the top of your mouth.

and another time, a friend asked me about my lovelife, soemthing like this...

* * * * * *
him: so damon, who's your girlfriend right now?
me: i dont have a girlfriend these days.
him: who are you courting right now?
me: im not courting anyone.
him: hmmm..so who is your crush these days?
me: i dont have one.
him. ( a long pause) is that really you?
me: why?!
him: just wondering if you are sick or something...

* * * * * *

admittedly, i had my share of fun between bedsheets. i even went for sometime thinking that a fuck is a fuck, and its better if the fuck was good for both parties. but those days are gone now. i cant really say what made me change my ways. though i do remember the time i did it in the car of one of my "friends with benefits" in front of the chapel of tetuan, in the parking lot while her parents and brother was attending mass.

seems like my reputation has grown larger than i have hoped to be. yes, its nice to know that some people admire me for some things i do better than most, no matter how "immoral" the deed may be, but its another thing when it gets thrown out of proportions, the way the truth becomes distorted after how many tellings.

i was and never ever was a hacker. admittedly, i was only a fast learner, thanks to my teachers.

i am not a sex machine. i am only mortal, and i have had days and nights when getting my other head to rise the occasion becomes a task even hercules and that guy who rolled those boulders would understand and pity me. and if you know soem of those who had the pleasure, and the displeasure of knowing me carnally, they can attest to the truth that i failed a couple of times, just like any mortal would.

but then, reputation stays longer than the deed. a legend of sorts. of the wrong kind.

honestly, the last time i went out and spent time with one of my "friends with benefits" was about a month ago. it was pathetic. only got as far as foreplay and that was it. no digging and plumbing with my tool. it was not because of not being able to get it working, but i guess after so many "a fuck is a fuck" thinking, things have changed. i am getting old, and the play has lost its allure.

i guess it finally dawned on me the inevitable truth, that its a different thing when you do it with someone you love. and if there is a god, then god knows i love her so much that no matter how many cherries i pop, she will always be there, taunting me, haunting me.

but that is another story.