been working on my long overdue website..its already online..though its not done yet
working on work...hmmm..not work, but hey i get paid for coming up with ideas, so it aint that bad
started working on my autobiography...for Jian..aint bad...gonna be long work though..but doable...
still working on finding a reason to go on...
Monday, December 27, 2004
Tuesday, December 14, 2004
its not enough just to have redemption...but to be...
i have to admit that its not enough for me just to have a redemption of sorts for all past sins and failures.
its been quite like a month, and i have argued with my new friends here cause i dont want to believe that iligan is god-forsaken city, that god took a nap, that god forgot to put some "quality" women when he was doing his rounds. i dont want to believe that. i cannot believe that because it would only mean that i would not be going to have my redemption.
call me a fool, but its just that after all the horrors that i have witnessed, with all the bllod and tears whose stains i still can feel in my hands, i have never forgotten to be hopeful. hopeful, that is, of some certain things, like a city for example. i have always been fascinated with cities, and i have never failed to go on searching among the highways and pathways of the city in my attempt of trying to understand her, of trying to be near the pulse of a city's beat.
though i have to admit that i do subscribe to the notion that if you want to know a city, try talking it over with her daughter..errr...women.
as i am writing this..i could see that there is one common element going around..ahhh....
anyway, i have began to love this city of waterfalls, though i have to mention that for a city who is known for overflowing waterfalls, i have had and will have my share of nights staying out a lil bit late just to make sure that the water bins are full.
and yet i have never forgotten the city who nurtured me. even now, zamboanga, with all the perfumes of my memory of her pulls me, a tugging in my soul, and her fingers are like barbs, reminding me...
...i remember the words of my long dead father...leave, but always to return..leave, and while away endure..remember. and i am trying to do that.
update on my proposed exit from this plane of existence is about in 5 years. i have some things to fix...
and yet, even with the wish to see everything end, with my own hand, i do wish that i would at least find redemption before i damn myself. and it is not enough that i find any kind of redemption, but it has to be a redemption that at times, i must admit, a person like me does not merit. i asked for a redemption without using the tricks of the trade, the talents that i had to learn.
i want to be redeemed first...without doing anything, without yelling "someone save me!"
i guess even damned striving starving poets can have pleasant dreams or two...
its been quite like a month, and i have argued with my new friends here cause i dont want to believe that iligan is god-forsaken city, that god took a nap, that god forgot to put some "quality" women when he was doing his rounds. i dont want to believe that. i cannot believe that because it would only mean that i would not be going to have my redemption.
call me a fool, but its just that after all the horrors that i have witnessed, with all the bllod and tears whose stains i still can feel in my hands, i have never forgotten to be hopeful. hopeful, that is, of some certain things, like a city for example. i have always been fascinated with cities, and i have never failed to go on searching among the highways and pathways of the city in my attempt of trying to understand her, of trying to be near the pulse of a city's beat.
though i have to admit that i do subscribe to the notion that if you want to know a city, try talking it over with her daughter..errr...women.
as i am writing this..i could see that there is one common element going around..ahhh....
anyway, i have began to love this city of waterfalls, though i have to mention that for a city who is known for overflowing waterfalls, i have had and will have my share of nights staying out a lil bit late just to make sure that the water bins are full.
and yet i have never forgotten the city who nurtured me. even now, zamboanga, with all the perfumes of my memory of her pulls me, a tugging in my soul, and her fingers are like barbs, reminding me...
...i remember the words of my long dead father...leave, but always to return..leave, and while away endure..remember. and i am trying to do that.
update on my proposed exit from this plane of existence is about in 5 years. i have some things to fix...
and yet, even with the wish to see everything end, with my own hand, i do wish that i would at least find redemption before i damn myself. and it is not enough that i find any kind of redemption, but it has to be a redemption that at times, i must admit, a person like me does not merit. i asked for a redemption without using the tricks of the trade, the talents that i had to learn.
i want to be redeemed first...without doing anything, without yelling "someone save me!"
i guess even damned striving starving poets can have pleasant dreams or two...
Saturday, December 04, 2004
extension..or acceleration
many know that one of the perks that im gonna get from being far from home (ok, 500 kms is not that far!) is that im gonna get an extension in my life.
yeah, im talking about an extension against the deadline i set for my self.
but on nights like the usual, in a place where i have no roots, i keep on working on my two projects..and the projects will ultimately lead me earlier than expected to that deadline.
so..is iligan an extension or an acceleration of things?
friends wish for an extension..and somehow, so do i...
in the meantime, i am taking things easier...
yeah, im talking about an extension against the deadline i set for my self.
but on nights like the usual, in a place where i have no roots, i keep on working on my two projects..and the projects will ultimately lead me earlier than expected to that deadline.
so..is iligan an extension or an acceleration of things?
friends wish for an extension..and somehow, so do i...
in the meantime, i am taking things easier...
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