Changes have always fascinated me. Of course, though everyone wished that it could be for the better, it would not be called Life it if did not have its fair share of pain and frustrations. But good changes do come in every form. If not in our life, then in others. And yet, there is this magic of how a good turn of events in another’s life becomes the source from which we could slake the thirst of our own barren soul.
Take the case of James Blunt. From a soldier, he turned his life around and came back to one of his earliest passion in life, and that is music. Released way back in 2004, I have heard of his album “Return to Bedlam” courtesy of two songs that found themselves friendly enough to be aired on local radio. But I didn’t mind it then, just another song that goes in one ear and out of the other.
Until I saw a performance of the song.
After then, I found myself scouring pirate havens for the album, and like a treasure hunt, finding it was indeed like finding a treasure. Though as I have mentioned earlier, things tend to go more than the one we would have wanted that would make the brevity of our lives a little bit sweeter.
“My life is brilliant
My love is pure
I saw an angel
Of that I’m sure
She smiled at me at the subway
She was with another man.”
- from the single “You’re Beautiful”
What can I say, the lyrics hit me. And for my soul that has been a rock that I fashioned to serve as my armor from the unannounced and unwelcome piercing of memories that went bad, the song became the water that chipped me from all sides, until certain spots were washed away smooth, and vulnerable, and what leaked from my armor was the fragility of my own soul, washed away by the waters that overwhelmed me. And it didn’t help that my armor, strong as it may have been, was heavy, and in that water, I had no choice but to drown myself.
And perhaps I am still drowning, considering the song is still on my player for the past weeks now.
And down there, drowning in the song, I found myself thinking, remembering, wondering, about all those moments that I felt just like that in the song. Or of the thought that haunts me, of the women I have lost, of those whom I abandoned and of those who abandoned me, of the women I could never be with.
“You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw your face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,
'Cause I'll never be with you.”
But it doesn’t end with this song. Skipping a song and I hear the following lines:
“Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.”
- from the single “Goodbye My Lover”
The song in-between only served as a breather, and afterwards I get this.
It hits me alike a two-shot combo, and it hits deep, and it burns like no known fire to mortals of gods. My life has been like a roller coaster ride, a life of love and lust that is like story good enough for a telenovela, only better because they indeed happened. And now I got to hear these two songs. And though no matter how odd it may seem, how painful at some point it is for me, I cannot help but believe that the songs are actually fitting, not just for now, bit for the things that I have done and things that were done to me.
It does not help that saying goodbye is not one of my greatest talent. Nor do I think I will ever learn the art of goodbye. Its like the tattoo that I have on my arm: it will always be there, and no laser surgery could wipe the memories away.
But if it’s any consolation, I do know that things that begin have also began their journey towards ending. And because of this brevity, life finds a certain value, a certain balance. Of course nobody said that what happens in between is balanced in every way.
For the curious, the complete lyrics to the two songs are offered below. Enjoy it.
"You're Beautiful"
My life is brilliant.
My life is brilliant.
My love is pure.
I saw an angel.
Of that I'm sure.
She smiled at me on the subway.
She was with another man.
But I won't lose no sleep on that,
'Cause I've got a plan.
You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw your face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,
'Cause I'll never be with you.
Yeah, she caught my eye,
As we walked on by.
She could see from my face that I was,
Fucking high,
And I don't think that I'll see her again,
But we shared a moment that will last till the end.
You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw your face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,
'Cause I'll never be with you.
You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
There must be an angel with a smile on her face,
When she thought up that I should be with you.
But it's time to face the truth,
I will never be with you.
"Goodbye My Lover"
Did I disappoint you or let you down?
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?
'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.
So I took what's mine by eternal right.
Took your soul out into the night.
It may be over but it won't stop there,
I am here for you if you'd only care.
You touched my heart you touched my soul.
You changed my life and all my goals.
And love is blind and that I knew when,
My heart was blinded by you.
I've kissed your lips and held your hand.
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.
I know you well, I know your smell.
I've been addicted to you.
[x2]
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
I am a dreamer and when i wake,
You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take.
And as you move on, remember me,
Remember us and all we used to be
I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile.
I've watched you sleeping for a while.
I'd be the father of your child.
I'd spend a lifetime with you.
I know your fears and you know mine.
We've had our doubts but now we're fine,
And I love you, I swear that's true.
I cannot live without you.
[x2]
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
And I still hold your hand in mine.
In mine when I'm asleep.
And I will bare my soul in time,
When I'm kneeling at your feet.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.
I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow
