Prose : Poles

Poles

Laid down, it held an emptiness waiting to be filled. Its outlines would mold and reshape at the contact of my own. And there I lay, breathing as if I was made of air, unafraid of what the darkness would bring. Or of what the light would reveal.

It held me close that the winds could not bite me, nor could the light touch me. Soft and supple that no mattress of foam, cotton, or water could ever take its place.

Lying there, I heard the footsteps of countless raindrops joining together, marching as an endless torrent just above my windows. Lying there I discovered the rhythm of my breath that was without worries, fears, or regrets.

Staring at the wide open darkness, I charted my happiness alongside the maps of chances, tracing it alongside someone else’s, so that I may never be alone again. When daylight came, it arrived with things and places moving, falling and sprouting. It moved me.

Light and Dark have danced so many times since then, and yet I cannot forget: that emptiness that I filled and filled me, where I lost and found myself, the warmth and the tenderness of that bed formed by the poles…

…of your outstretched arms and parted legs.

Poem : Apologia

Apologia

they were never spoken
because words are mere stardust

frail like the rising trail of my blue smoke
dissipating, spread thin in empty space

but the nouns, adjectives and verbs were there
fluent as i am in the language stillness and no sound

they spoke to you
in the semantics of my frozen eyes

in the shape of my quivering lips
that has almost fogotten the caricature
of birds in flight

even in the distance they were never absent

mirrored as they are in these very words
and even after you have turned this page.

because words and promises...

...will always be empty and hollow...unless we fill their shells with the blood and flesh of our own honesty.

when you lie, a part of you actually dies...

the music that plays for home...

i am going home, and for some reason the music that i chose (though i am sure one or two would have no hard time figuring it out) comes from one of the most underrated grunge band from seattle: alice in chains.

there is something mercurial about the lyrics and the way layne staley (rest in peace brother) sing the songs of their lives. messy and brief lives.

something that i find in my own.

for the curious, grab a couple of AIC songs from your fave P2P software (limewire or bearshare works for me) and discover what you have been missing.

a good intro album would be the 6 track (yet believe worth every peso) "Jar of Flies or their MTV Unplugged Album (way back when MTV played good music) or "Nothing Safe: the best of the Box". (of course, you cant go wrong by getting their definitive album, "DIRT".)

the following songs are in my player, and they are from the album "Jar of Flies"

========================
Alice In Chains - Nutshell
========================

We chase misprinted lies
We face the path of time
And yet I fight
And yet I fight
This battle all alone
No one to cry to
No place to call home

Oooh...Oooh...
Oooh...Oooh...

My gift of self is raped
My privacy is raked
And yet I find
And yet I find
Repeating in my head
If I can't be my own
I'd feel better dead

Oooh...Oooh...
Oooh...Oooh...



Alice In Chains - I Stay Away
============================

Yeah, I want to travel south
This year
Aaah, Woah, Woah
Won't prevent safe passage here

Why you act crazy
Not an act maybe
So close a lady
Shifty eyes shade

Yeah, hey Yeah, tears that soak
A callous heart

Why you act frightened
I am enlightened
Your weakness builds me
So someday you'll see

I stay away


Alice In Chains - No Excuses
===========================

It's alright
There comes a time
Got no patience to search
For peace of mind
Layin' low
Want to take it slow
No more hiding or
Disguising truths I've sold

Everyday it's something
Hits me all so cold
Find me sittin' by myself
No excuses, then I know

It's okay
Had a bad day
Hands are bruised from
Breaking rocks all day
Drained and blue
I bleed for you
You think it's funny, well
You're drowning in it too

Yeah, it's fine
We'll walk down the line
Leave our rain, a cold
Trade for warm sunshine
You my friend
I will defend
And if we change, well I
Love you anyway


Alice In Chains - Don't Follow
============================

Hey, I ain't never coming
Home
Hey, I'll just wander my
Own road
Hey, I can't meet you here tomorrow
Say goodbye don't follow
Misery so hollow

Hey you, you're livin'
Life full throttle
Hey you, pass me down that
Bottle, yeah
Hey you, you can't shake
Me round now
I get so lost and don't
Know how
And it hurts to care, I'm
Going down

Forgot my woman, lost my
Friends
Thinks I'd done and where
I've been
Sleep in sweat the mirrors
Cold
See my face it's growin'
Old
Scared to death no reason
Why
Do whatever to get me by
Think about the things I
Said
Read the page it's cold
And dead

Take me home