Confessions : How To Save A Woman From A Lie…

Confessions : How To Save A Woman From A Lie…

I confess that I am just like any other ordinary guy.

By “ordinary” I mean that like all of my kind, I am a chaotic concoction of sweet and bitter juices, potion and potion poured out as one. Of course, I am not ordinary in other things, I know that much. I am conceited enough to know that much and express it out loud.

The real confession: unlike most of my kind, I am on the top of the food chain, especially when it comes to baring my dark and twisted side. Unlike most of my kind who do the worst thing in the best of light more from chance and luck than plain darkness, I know most of the tricks of the trade when it comes to hurting people. If you don’t believe me, ask my exes, (fling wife lover gf one-nightee etc) of course, I don’t always bare it. But I do bare it at times, mostly when it has to be shown that I am just human, a person of duality. Most of the time I bare it because I could. Just like my ultimate reason for cheating has, and will always be, because I could. And its funny that I am still to meet a fellow of my kind who would utter the same reason.

But then, if there is any saving grace for me, I will say that it is my honesty that I can, and have been, and in the future will be, at times, brutal. So brutal than in someway, the woman on the opposite end would really wish that she had never met me at all, amidst all the ecstasy that I have given her. Yup, I have proof of that. Ask her.

But this is not really about my dark side.

Or perhaps it is, considering that who I am, what I am feeling, how I have been treated will always be linked somehow to the person that I am.

Perhaps it is my fault, for when I was a child, I then knew at a very young age that I would always be alone. For a time, I despised my fellow mortals for being blind to the reality of this truth, until the day I realized why they preferred sweet blindness: who wants sight and vision when the very gift of knowing would also open your eyes to the horrors and painful simplicities of life that would come and come through your door?

Oh yeah, about the vision of being always alone, it has, as it always had, come true again.

I remember that it has been a couple of times when I said that the last one would be the last. And yet, I always failed myself, believing that redemption is always possible in the tomorrow that comes. Yet, all that I have left and kept are fragments of colors, like faded and worn-eaten photographs, the ghost of voices and sensations that stay only to haunt me. And even in my deepest sadness, there is that part of me that ask me “how many women is enough? How many tears do you have to shed?”

I have met a lot of friends who have been in a situation where abandonment and exile becomes their new country. And I can’t help but remember the varied things they do to cope up with it: some go out and drink it out, some cry their eyes out, others turn to hate and fury (the most accessible of all, I should say), some go stalker mode, or go public with private photos and videos, some go and hit the next guy the girl is seen out with and lots of other crazy stuffs. For me, I do shed a couple of tears, though I try to limit it to 12 minutes for after that it would be self indulgence. I drink, but not to get drunk but because I want to drink. I have also contemplated crazy audacious stuff, but in the end, I did what I do best.

I endure it in silence.

Still, drowning as I am in my own lake of pain and despair, I am glad for the side of me that never seems to lose its composure, no matter what the situation is. For a lack of a better word, I would say its my best side, my good side, the one who could destroy a hundred of my other side’s arguments with just a short statement. Coz even where I am now, I still think of the woman I loved (and if truth be known, still love for I always could not find it in my life to end it, though I must admit I don’t always call her “woman”, sometimes I call her all sorts of bad names…) Perhaps I am just rationalizing things up so I can cope up with things, like how its better now that she is gone because she would have been miserable if she stayed with me and all that bullshit. But honestly, I still love the woman, and thus my thoughts lend me to some ways that things would be better, if not for the last one, then perhaps for the one who would come (that is, if I still have a couple of tickets remaining…)

This time, I have come up with a thought, a kind thought. Somehow, I always knew the truth about this, but being like most of my kind, I wanted to believe in something even as I knew it could not be possible. I guess mortals, my kind and those of women, are at some point of their lives like that. I guess. Nah, I could be wrong though.

Thus, the title of this entry: How to Save a Woman from A Lie…

You can save a woman from a lie by Never asking a woman to love, nor care, nor endure, nor accept, nor stay with you forever. Because if you ask it of her while she is drowning in the ecstasy of your shared passions, she will make that promise, and you both know that it’s a lie. And though you might say that she is a liar, you can also blame your own self for asking it in the first place.