Moving On / Moving Away

Moving On / Moving Away

Fuck the plan! fuck the schedule!

Nah, its nothing much, just my way of expressing my “surprise” at how things work out in regards with the last post I had about not knowing what to do. It seems that this world still conspires to make the things I desire elusive.

So, those 3 works I mentioned are still inside my head, buzzing like bees, or like flies. And as much as I would like to swat them flat, its not that easy, as if work and other daily realities are not enough that something like this has to, strong enough to nudge my schedule by a few days or a few weeks, depending on how I take it.

Once again, I am moving on. Once again I am moving away.

Its weird, the last two birthdays that I had were spent in different places, not to mention all by myself. I was wishing that I could celebrate 2 consecutive natal days in one place, but alas, I am asking too much to be granted that. Admittedly, godless persons like myself still wish for some divine blessings, especially when im asleep, but who am I kidding?

I have learned to love this city, especially the places where I have slept, the rooms I have called my kingdom, my solace, even if only for a while. Somehow, I feel as if I am losing something, no, much like leaving a part of me in these places I reside and depart from.

All I know is this: things were always shifting and drifting, charting their orbits but none have been clearer to me than now. i guess I am going crazy, is all. But then, since I can still say I might be crazy means, I hope I get this right, that I am not yet totally crazy. But just a few nudges and I would be a perfect fit.

Nah, im just incompetent, is all.

I fucked up. And yet for some reason knowing that puts a smile on my face.

You read this far?! Thank you!