steines on electronic paper

If God Exists...

2008-02-23T22:22:00.000+08:00

i cannot really say why, but it must be something to do with how memory could sometimes play with us, popping like surprises, some the kind we enjoy, some, well, we don't.but in this case i have to confess that i am neutral, if there is really such a state of mind. i don't hate this surprise, nor do i like it. perhaps i am still trying to figure out the patterns that led me to this surprise.and

My New Lucky Charm?!

2008-02-23T14:49:00.000+08:00

i found this little kid with parts disassembled.actually all parts taken off: torso, head, legs and arms.i did wonder who was the owner who abandoned it in such a manner, as well as for the reason for doing so......was it because one part was accidentally taken off and found it too difficult to piece it back???...or was it a gift from a bf who turned out to be a jackal, thus the dismemberment?

Memoirs of an Akyat-Bahay

2008-02-19T03:38:00.000+08:00

This night will be the night. It has been raining the past few days and nights, especially at nights. Which is the sign I am looking for. Everybody sleeps peacefully on nights when it rains, including the dogs. Only one person wide awake. I wonder what the girl is doing on the pc, chatting perhaps. Go on little girl, finish it up so I can start things up. Things are going down just right.

8 for Infinity... (it's never too early...)

2008-02-18T07:33:00.000+08:00

I have always believed, at least, in the duality of things in this world, of mirrors casting reflections, shapes with their shadows, in the eternal dance of darkness and light. In the rivalry and friendship between joy and sadness. You have to know that this is who and what I am, that as much as I try to be the embodiment of smiles and laughter, I cannot deny the frowns, the sobs and

Repost -- Unsent Mails : "Turning Seven..." (because it's that time again...)

2008-02-17T21:55:00.000+08:00

Turning Seven 20 February 2000 Early morning… I woke up to the ringing of the cellphone I always kept by my side. I was informed that you were on your way, half a world away, and they would be going on their way to meet and welcome you. I stayed home all day. For a very good reason, I could not go out of the house, not knowing when and how you

There Must be a Reason…

2008-02-12T13:34:00.000+08:00

Checking on my pages, something bothered me, and this led me to give a good look at the last two videos I upped… …Breaking Benjamin’s The Diary of Jane & Breathe, two songs that I haven’t listened to in a long time, more like a year has passed since the last time… ...there must be a reason why I chose these songs. Though they are by the same band, they belong on opposite poles.

Just Thinking (99% Rare Entry)

2008-02-09T21:50:00.000+08:00

Ewan ko ba, dahil kay “di nya ako type =(” napaisip-isip tuloy ako. Paano kasi, iniisip –isip ko kasi sya. lintek nga eh. ANG NAPAISIP-ISIP KO May mga litrato pa ako nung ako ay bata pa. maitim pa ako noon, payat. At mas importante, may isa akong alam sa sarili ko: HINDI AKO GWAPO. Ito siguro yung dahilan kung bakit tama lang na tawagan akong “busted boy.” Busted ako

Rare Entry

2008-02-08T23:41:00.000+08:00

may na meet akong gurl.picture pa lang nya, lapit na mahulog mata ko. malapit pa lang naman.tapos i felt na there was more to her than just looks. Kaya yun, curious tuloy ako, gusto ko siya makilala ng lubusan.Kaso lang, di nya ako type. =( i'm not saying na type ko siya, though its a possibility. Pero yun nga, di nya ako type eh.Yun lang.p.s. ang engot ko noh?

Balance

2008-02-06T22:36:00.000+08:00

its not getting any easier.i know i should at least be happy: i finished the book, just a few edits and then collecting all the pledges from my patrons who believe in my madness, who believe in my art.Long, long ago, i had an idea that this life of art that i decided upon would not be easy. First of all, i am crazy, and i thought that was gonna make things easier.been on the binge again. the bad

Poetry : Soon

2008-01-31T18:21:00.000+08:00

Soond. steine We have spent Day, moon, and starlight Trading pieces of our lives, To solve the puzzle, perhaps Reveal our picture before Infinity would claim us. Our words become hollow, like echoes Losing their form in the empty distance As the light falls from the sky So we lie, honestly: To greet each other with a fragile silence Broken by our

Still in Awe...

2008-01-27T08:10:00.000+08:00

…of Women. No, that’s not right. A woman. How do you do it, to be so silent for so long that I believe that the language we had between us was silence, pure silence…only to be proven wrong when I hear your voice again, a voice that echoes inside of me, stirring long dormant, almost-forgotten memories? Why are you doing this? I may never know everything about you and your

Work in Progress...

2008-01-27T07:26:00.000+08:00

I knew of no divinations Nor ancient symbols to trace On water, air or earth I possess no potions Nor scrolls or spells Yet here I was In walking or eating Waking or sleeping, A dream conjurer: I conjure you, Once my life Now my dream. You face comes to me in full The light and shade is kind you Your lips move Parting the spaces Between emptiness And I hear you Speak

Hauntings

2008-01-24T09:07:00.000+08:00

In the darkest of rooms Away from the light Of prying eyes From the fingers of cold, I could touch you Like the sun. Taste you & feed you Flavors red and yellow, Sweet wet raindrops. I can make stars Explode within your eyes Together we can go Supernova. I can show you how Words are like clay At times concrete Yet all the same Breakable, As we can share Conversations

Pain: Those Kind of Days

2008-01-23T15:56:00.000+08:00

It’s that time of the year again. I should have seen it coming. I should have known better. Over the years, I realize that I do deserve a break every year, even if only for a few hours, or perhaps a day. I call it my “period”. Later on, away from home and in the company of loneliness, it got more frequent: from once a year it became twice, till it became like the four seasons.

I Am...

2008-01-20T16:00:00.000+08:00

Everyone is telling me Never to speak Last words Never to proclaim, With a smile on my lips, Of how I would Never regret My solitary life They tell me She will come A moment before My soul speaks Farewell If only they knew You have arrived The twin continent Of your eyes my refuge Your smile Is my sun My moon My stars In daylight or dark But they do Not know

Work in Progress : Poetry : After The Affair

2008-01-18T02:03:00.000+08:00

After The Affaird. steineIt is morningThe sun is outWarm, soft, supple----like her lips…Everything flurriesMemory becomes a bookPages leafed overTo the beginningEverything becomesA snapshotFreeze frameOne memory After anotherUnfoldingIn slow motionIn full colorIn total silenceNoonIt is hotAs slivering tonguesAnd eager fingersFollow the rhythmOf a song as oldAs the first mortalsRain falls In the

My Mortal Beloveds

2008-01-13T16:05:00.000+08:00

Love and Loved by women, it was only fitting that I would love them in return, on my own. I confess I am a women’s man (no, not the usual archetype who have all the right moves and lines that unhooks bras and loosens panties, though I must confess I have had my share of long shots in that department, but that is another story), but in all honesty, and to the best of my abilities, I have, am

with you

2008-01-10T22:34:00.000+08:00

we had been trading with words synonyms of our desires tucked between pages of books from our library of secret shared lives my mouth turns dry from turning my pages and so i tell you of how the light is kind as it plays with your eyes Your reply is a smile followed by your eyes burrowing into my own an attempt to decipher the truth in some

Confession of a Vagina Warrior : Vagina Monologues in Zamboanga?!

2008-01-06T22:19:00.000+08:00

for nearly three years, i worked for the people i always claimed i loved through my poetry, and since it's one thing to write it and another to be doing it, i had no hesitation of taking on the challenge, even though it meant being a stranger in a new city, away from family, friends and enemies.As i said, i did it for the people i have, still, and will always love: Women.Gender Issues & Violence,

Someone Shot Our Neighbor...

2008-01-06T20:51:00.000+08:00

I got the message while i was out fixing one of my brother's pc, my baby sister ja asking me where i was, telling me to crash at my aunt's house because our neighbor got shot.Seriously. And i found out earlier that 3 bullets were too much for him to handle.About two months ago, this very neighbor had a couple of piglets, and being the kind of neighbors that he was, he let the piglets go free,

Innocence

2008-01-05T21:09:00.000+08:00

Innocence Your innocence as fine as silk I ripped off from your fragile soul Rape I guess And I basked as I violated you grinning every inch away but as I found and left your core I was blind I did not see the flicker of your darkness i became a

Fair Lady

2008-01-05T21:05:00.000+08:00

Fair Lady Fair Lady The wind dances in your curly locks And trapped with them are fragments of my dreams You look into the world Like a baby, Innocent that you have captured me I lay nets of my soul around you Hoping to catch your eyes And yet my

Memoirs of an Exile

2008-01-05T21:02:00.000+08:00

Memoirs of an Exile And I am no longer a citizen in your republic As if total pitch-black darkness has descended And I am no longer afforded the protection of the warmth Of your affection My residence has been revoked And I have been forfeited of my

A Sucker for Smiles and Surprises...

2008-01-01T11:05:00.000+08:00

I met a woman......you know how it is.You don't?! ok, let me explain a bit.She made me smile. And i found myself wanting to go out into the outside, not just to see what has been going on but to become one of the many...Then it hits me, the memories. Memories of emptiness torn apart by the simple act of two separate hands touching each other, and from the dark and cold warmth and light is born

Rituals

2007-12-31T21:46:00.000+08:00

its 2:36 a.m. as i am starting this. i have been checking on my contacts, only to find out that most are offline. As it should be. Most, if not all of them might be sleeping by this time after all the lights and sound (and the rain) have died.but not me. I have this ritual to perform. I am going to wait for the first sunrise of the year.i cannot clearly remember when i started doing this, only

2 Years and 1 Week : A Little Self-Indulgence (or is it torture?) before the year ends...

2007-12-30T23:53:00.000+08:00

This is something i wrote earlier this year... A Letter for Quesalina Quesalina, Will you find it odd, or something to be mad about, or sad perhaps, that in the end, it was your sarong, your shawl that was with me. I have to admit I did not think this would be so. But that is irrelevant now. The day is nearly over, and here I am, garbed

Yup, this is for you, Because You Know I Exist and Thus I Am Not Dead (Yet)

2007-12-30T23:28:00.000+08:00

What a year it has been… …and another one is on the way. Yet before everything, we have a few hours in between, and every moment counts. No matter how things go in our lives, there is nothing compared to living. Yeah, it does not happen like they do in fairy tales, doesn’t start with “once upon a time” (though I could be wrong because it does actually) and always ends with “they

A Peek at The Secret Lives of a Starving Poet : The Insanity Process - #1 - Self Conversations

2007-12-29T17:28:00.000+08:00

this is not gonna make sense. fair warning.an old post, like a year ago. and it tugged me. While You Were Sleeping d. steine i discoveredthe shape of my desire to navigate the waters of sleepwithout signal flares, rafts, or life jacketslike you do. with you. reading it led me to one of my old haunts, my first home in the web actually The HideAway (circa 1997 or 98) and

Last Night

2007-12-27T13:17:00.000+08:00

We started out when the night was young. First, to an establishment whose very name promised food in packages, and it did not fail. Wrapped in banana leaves, environment friendly as compared to styro boxes, though I don’t think the banana tree/plant from where the leaves were chopped off would agree with me. Beef steak on banana leaves, never had that before, nor have I ever been a fan of

Christmas is all about...

2007-12-25T15:09:00.000+08:00

..the kids (though in this case it should be about this kid)...i think i should have one...but wait..i do have one:it's just that i lost him.but then again, i never had him to start with, so how can i lose what i never had with me?! =(

Delivery Day

2007-12-25T13:28:00.000+08:00

This must be the closest I would ever get in my quest for a greater understanding of women. I am giving birth. It’s gonna be a few weeks till delivery day, and yet, I must be feeling what expectant mothers usually feel. Fear. Sadness. Joy. Desperation. Hope. It has not been easy, but I never was one to take the easy (and more often sane) way. For all the glorious women I met and shared

Movado I

2007-12-25T12:21:00.000+08:00

I received my gift from my sister. A time piece. It’s supposed to be simple: it’s the holiday seasons, and though I am not much a fan of it lately, there are other people, well, most people see it as the so called time for giving, and they do give gifts. But for some reason, wearing a watch feels something new to me. I used to wear watches before but somewhere along the way I let go of them.

Draft : Song for Cai

2007-10-26T18:05:00.000+08:00

(Draft) Song for Caiwith a smile.this is how i remember you, sister;your eyes, your faceyour smile born for me,for a love that crossed mountains & hills, neighboring cities,for a happinessthat was not mine alone,soft as white clouds,your smile were like rose petalsfragile amidst the changing winds,longing, and long in waitingfrom its travelsin paths pavedwith thorns as roses are.that season of

Musings : Junctions

2007-10-21T12:54:00.000+08:00

Endings are born from the womb of Beginnings.Yet between these two separate poles is a space vast as one cares, or dares, to discover. Centuries spawned from decades, years from months, days from hours from minutes from seconds.Moments from moments from moments....It is in this vast space where origin and destination exchange faces, where comings and goings weave together the carpet, the tapestry

Kill Your Darlings says W. Faulkner..what living darlings?!

2007-10-11T13:00:00.000+08:00

05 October 2007Kill Your Darlings says W. Faulkner..what living darlings?!It has been sometime since the last one.I just finished a novel lent to me by one of my sisters, Honee. Kill Your Darlings. Somehow, it was that kind of book that i needed, and i am grateful. Needed, especially with what i have been working on for the past months........reminds me to check if i was able to remind myself

Confessions : Walking Home / Of Fathers & BabyMakers

2007-07-07T13:46:00.001+08:00

Confessions : Walking Home The streets were empty, save for the dogs that were enjoying the freedom to play on the streets after the jeepneys, tricycles, and pedicabs went to their respective homes to sleep. The streets were clear, though dusty, bathed in the yellow glow from lonely separate lamp posts. There I was, with my shadow and the sound of my footsteps, walking. Even with

Confessions : On Coming Home + On Leaving

2007-06-09T18:24:00.000+08:00

Confessions : On Coming Home + On Leaving To where my senses first recognized the faint shapes, colors, textures and scents of things to come. To where I found my first playground… To where I first discovered that those that begin are born with an end. To where I became so much than just myself, where I turned the first pages of my love & trust that are now and forever will be the

Confessions : Remembering the Rain

2007-06-06T22:12:00.001+08:00

Remembering the Rain The sun had fallen and sank deep somewhere west. Cold winds prowled and howled the streets, their whispers cold, like the impending rain. I was waiting for something, nothing, and then I saw her. She was a friend of a friend, and we were barely introduced. Our eyes locked, within a blink. Within a blink, and yet I discovered that within a blink one can decipher a

Confessions: An Affinity for Goodbyes + Iligan: Glimpse of a Mother City

2007-06-06T14:50:00.001+08:00

Confessions: An Affinity for Goodbyes + Iligan: Glimpse of a Mother CityI must confess I have a deep affinity for goodbyes. I have my own share of being given that, and though I too have my own share of acting on its arrival, there lingers this scent of it far beneath my skin; that even after I have practiced it, edited it and finally done with it, there remains, for me, that invisible, faint and

Confessions : Nothing Matters

2007-05-12T14:12:00.000+08:00

Confessions : Nothing Matters If anything, the past few days have allowed me to live the remaining days that I have in this city without rush. No plans, no nothing to follow, just taking each moment as it comes, without worries, without cares, cigarette on one hand, a hot mug of coffee on the right, experimenting, admiring the designs of smoke rings before they fade away.

Confessions : "It is The Mystery That Lingers, and Not the Explanation."

2007-05-06T18:43:00.000+08:00

hello. i did promise i was gonna write something about the things that leads to changes. last time, it was about knowledge, about knowing things and the changes that it brings. on the other hand, there is its lover, its twin, its partner in the great dance that is living and dying: not knowing. because indeed, in our lives, there are events that take hold of us, not because of what we know,

Confession : Confessions

2007-05-05T12:19:00.000+08:00

i have to admit, i feel at ease, without worries of giving my best and worse to my job. no more early morning wakeup calls...no more time in/out...no more deadlines...i sleep late..i wake up late...still, i have to admit, what i have now are just mere weeks..about 3 more weeks to go before this piece of heaven is to be traded for something so much like hell.as much as i am at ease..i am also a

Confessions : A Letter to Quesalina + I Resign

2007-04-30T17:41:00.000+08:00

A Letter for Quesalina Quesalina, Will you find it odd, or something to be mad about, or sad perhaps, that in the end, it was your sarong, your shawl that was with me. I have to admit I did not think this would be so. But that is irrelevant now. The day is nearly over, and here I am, garbed in the cloth that was suppose to take the place of your arms

Confession : Farewell...Hello...

2007-04-28T12:42:00.000+08:00

I really wish I could have lasted a little bit longer.. A handful of months. That was all, just enough to tie up loose ends, see some sights, shy kisses, last goodbyes. But as I told a friend yesterday, it happens that there are simple things that we really desire, that would make us happy, and yet these desires will be denied, no matter how much we would want them to be true. In

Confessions : It was not Change...

2007-04-20T19:51:00.001+08:00

it has been spinning and spinning inside of my head and so i decide to write it down, to send it out of orbit.the thing is this, a lot of people, almost everyone is familiar with the so called "great" things that comes with change. "great", in the loose sense of the word, for greatness of things does not always mean happy things. Everyone i know, and even those i don't agree to this. I do.

Confessions : I Will Not Miss This!

2007-04-17T18:04:00.000+08:00

Its gonna be my birthday, and since i already gave two birthdays to this city whom i have learned to love (though this city is till to love me, as for the scarcity of her daughters to show token of appreciation of my hard work (yeah, its really hard work pirating animes, mp3, and various softwares after and even during office hours.)Its my birthday, and what better way (one among many, i should

just my new album list...

2007-04-17T17:50:00.000+08:00

the government does not pay enough.but then, i chose this job coz i loved it, and at the same time it gave me the opportunity to prove to myself that what i wrote, what i spoke, that all of my poetry and ideas are not merely as they are, but i am able and willing to, as they say in the old days (yeah, my kind of days...) put the metal on the pedal...but i do love government service, even amidst

A Letter to My Brother

2007-04-16T18:09:00.000+08:00

A Letter to My Brother Lazarusmoth, It has been quite a while since we last saw each other. If I am not mistaken, it was a few days after your wedding day to sister amijan, the day I had to leave home, your honeymoon somehow grayed by the reason why I made a last call on both of your doorsteps. And so, allow me to greet you, brother and sister, and of

...

2007-04-11T13:03:00.000+08:00

I began my discovery of you When my own traced the uncharted Landscape of your sad eyes They were there, Open like nakedness Roaming over familiar skies and horizons, Yet sailing like a little boat Towards some distant island As my own eyes once did The winds & my poor navigation Brought me to the heart of the harbor Who bears your form, & your name. Cradling you Between

Confessions : Unearthing The Dead II

2007-04-04T13:06:00.000+08:00

Confessions : Unearthing The Dead I

2007-04-04T12:18:00.000+08:00

Confessions : My Downward Spiral

2007-04-02T13:25:00.000+08:00

Confessions : My Downward Spiral I honestly believe that I am going crazy. But then, being able to think clearly about it, it would be safe for me to assume that I am still to be completely taken over by simple shapes and forms that have taken grotesque transformations as filtered by my ever eroding mind. It would be no mistake that I

Confessions : The Lessons I Have Learned (plus how they contribute to my madness)

2007-03-29T16:17:00.000+08:00

Confessions : The Lessons I Have Learned (plus how they contribute to my madness) Lessons. Like everyone else, I have had my share. I could even claim that I have been an attentive student. Like the lesson I was taught when I first lied to my mom. She made me eat chili, the small ones, and I have to admit that while it was burning my lying mouth, sending my saliva into overdrive, I

TVM...

2007-03-24T17:26:00.000+08:00

i apologize that i haven't been able to do this earlier...and haven't been able to complete it either...anyway, check out the links...for slideshows:http://damonsteine.slide.com/for Snapshots:http://s50.photobucket.com/albums/f341/damonsteine/media involved on both sites are those i have been able to load..so far...but hey, i am working on it ok? thank you.yup, for those who have friendster or

The Song of My Life

2007-03-23T15:30:00.000+08:00

The Song of My Life (shouldn’t it be “Lives”?) It’s good to be back to normal routine. Well, whatever is normal for me. I have been busy, and still, my head is still reeling from all of it, mostly from something unexpected that came my way. Been scouring the net like I usually do, and I got hold of this album. It’s an old one, but the songs I know have always been playing inside of

Women : A Tribute

2007-03-07T19:42:00.000+08:00

Women : A Tribute Like my father before me, I know of no other way than this. I know of no other way to live my life but for my eyes, my lips, every fiber of flesh, bone and soul hungry to worship the glory, one of the finest creations of life: Women. There have been many moments when I, like my father before, have wondered what have I done, or what am I still to do to be loved by you

Confessions : Vulnerable, Thus I Bleed. Alone.

2007-03-06T15:40:00.000+08:00

Confessions : Vulnerable, Thus I Bleed. Alone. I remember one of my friends told me that I would be doing a very stupid thing, one that would really kill me if I decide to push through with it. No, he was not referring to my then plan of finally go out and search for the light in the deepest darkness of the next life, if that life does exist. He was

Confessions : My Anime-ted Life : A Sucker for Eureka Seven

2007-03-05T19:53:00.000+08:00

Confessions : My Anime-ted Life : A Sucker for Eureka Seven Almost, I hope, almost all of my friends know how I love watching animes. And if anyone out there thinks that animes are for kids, then I cannot blame you. With the kind of titles you were first exposed to, not to mention the ones that get to be played on the tube (except for a rare few), you would believe that. Just like most

Confessions : Work in Progress : Poetry : Yours Is The Voice (1 of 3)

2007-03-04T14:26:00.000+08:00

Yours Is The Voice (1 of 3) Who could call outThe true nameOf my tears They arrive,WelcomeLike rain fallingTo a barren land Like my own heart Yours is the voiceI hear, soft and closeLike a whisperLost as I amAmong the crowdsOf silence While the world lie sleepingAs I am out wandering,Your voice is the stars:From far, far

For the Month of MARCH: A repost of an old work for the kind that i love (do i have to say "WOMEN")?...and my Excuses...

2007-03-03T18:43:00.000+08:00

Happy Women's Month! and since im poor, im just gonna offer this old work for all the great and grave women in my life.My Poetryd. steineIf my poetry is filled with women,it is only because the branches of my lifewere tended by themeven before it was a stalk.Like you I was a seed inside a womanand from the moment I sproutedfrom the shell of her wombmy roots were taught to dig deepinto the soil of

Confessions : Surprise Me

2007-02-24T14:39:00.000+08:00

Confessions : Surprise Me I have to admit, that is there is anything that is worth enduring in this crazy world, it is the possibility of things to happen. Perhaps, this is the reason why those who are in despair that they have not only thought about dying but made plan and detailed preparations for it (guess where im pointing my finger?!) stay on their feet, waiting,

Poetry : (Both work and title in progress.. =) ]

2007-02-24T14:38:00.000+08:00

of how youopen your eyesand see faintglint of silverin my outlinesof rust, painand despair. your gaze flewbecame the windsailing acrosshalf a world awaytransforms intoinvisible fingerscaressingnumb flesh and soultoo long denied,too long abandoned. it was therein your eyesi sawmyselfsmile and thoughone dayyour eyesshall hold mefor the last time (finish this later...)

Confessions : How To Save A Woman From A Lie…

2007-02-22T17:50:00.000+08:00

Confessions : How To Save A Woman From A Lie… I confess that I am just like any other ordinary guy. By “ordinary” I mean that like all of my kind, I am a chaotic concoction of sweet and bitter juices, potion and potion poured out as one. Of course, I am not ordinary in other things, I know that much. I am conceited enough to know that much and express it out

Unsent Mails : "Turning Seven..."

2007-02-20T18:21:00.000+08:00

Archives:The Price That Must Be Paid & A Letter For My Sisters...

2007-02-06T17:42:00.000+08:00

the following are old post, and when i say old, i mean old. saved them from the last website i tried to keep, and i want to save it on this one. its an old piece, and yet resonates something akin to who i am, who i always have been. anyway, here they are, for posterity's (my own) sake....The Price That Must Be Paid At times, I wonder if I am to be an inheritor of so many beautiful

The Birth of a Farewell

2007-02-05T18:46:00.000+08:00

The Birth of a Farewell… There must be a very good, or perhaps bad reason as to why the idea of saying goodbye to this city has been gnawing at my mind for some time now. It has been going on for days, with ever increasing intensity, of how I seem to be living these past few days. There have been days that were slow, silent and still, as there have been days where I just can’t seem to

A Letter To Khayte

2007-01-31T15:51:00.000+08:00

Khayte, I am thankful for the message you sent me, considering that the presence of such short but priceless words signify that you have chosen to remain in the realm that most people call the world. I miss you sister, and I would have to apologize for not being able to share a cup of coffee with you though I did extend my stay in our lovely city. In the future, I would do so. Thank

for now...but not for long...

2007-01-23T18:47:00.000+08:00

i could say that as much as it was sad to leave home, I also did miss the office and the work. I gave my “baby” the attention she deserves (updates for the various softwares, yup, “baby” is the nth pc to be called that), then plunged into the little pool of work that waited for me. And after office hours, work still went on… …60+ updated anime episodes after, I am indeed back. And since

my cp # is 0915 553 1466....

2006-12-15T12:15:00.000+08:00

Net has been down in the office and that explains the reason why I have been offline for the past weeks… This means that it’s a disaster, considering it made me miss the latest episodes of the anime series im following from TV Tokyo and TV Asahi…waaaahhhh! It’s the end of the year, the end of things, the breaking of things, if I am to view it from my other self. Just a couple of

Poetry : While You Were Sleeping

2006-12-15T12:12:00.000+08:00

While You Were Sleeping d. steine i discoveredthe shape of my desire to navigate the waters of sleepwithout signal flares, rafts, or life jacketslike you do. with you.

Notes from Work

2006-12-08T11:26:00.000+08:00

Notes from WorkWhy is it that one of the worst things that you could ever label a man with is something about being a woman?I believe that it is indeed something one should ponder on in a world that has seen the breaking of borders through and in technology and yet human relationships have never been muddled, distorted, twisted.What is it about being a woman, about being feminine that most men

Poetry : The Wings of Huggin & Munnin

2006-11-30T18:05:00.000+08:00

The Wings of Huggin & Munnind. steineI understand it is uncomfortable To live forever in a tropical island For not all truths born in summer Are indeed ripe and sweet fruits. Flags had to be changed on familiar ships Before sailing away to the name of a new bay. The fragile kite cast against erratic winds Had to find its way back on broken twine. Here, now, The shore around this

Moving On / Moving Away

2006-11-28T15:34:00.000+08:00

Moving On / Moving Away Fuck the plan! fuck the schedule! Nah, its nothing much, just my way of expressing my “surprise” at how things work out in regards with the last post I had about not knowing what to do. It seems that this world still conspires to make the things I desire elusive. So, those 3 works I mentioned are still inside my head, buzzing like bees, or like flies. And as

Circa Distancia - Poetry : "Reminders for Mei"

2006-11-27T17:08:00.000+08:00

Reminders for Meid. steine Because dying is like Heaven While living is Hell that defines it. Because everyone loves the flower Yet never remembers the fragile seed. Because if one is weak and travels To where it is night while at home It is light, then how weak Is one who preferred to never to go away Until he realized he could no longer stay? Because ice kings and queens

What Do I Do?

2006-11-24T08:27:00.000+08:00

As much as I would have wanted to post something this week, things got out of hand. It’s not so much about not having any idea of what to write about, but it’s an overload of memories all trying to vie for some position of recognition. I don’t know why, but since the start of the week, I have been plagued not by one nor two but three ideas for future works groveling and screaming to be

For Farrah...

2006-11-22T12:08:00.000+08:00

I cannot really remember the exact details of the moment I met her, but if there is one thing that I am all too sure is that, as long as my memory serves me well, whether I am a slave in heaven or a prince in hell, I would always remember. She sent a couple of things then: durian candy, a nature calendar from Toyota, a booklet on kind and soft things and one of the novels that made an great

Circa Amor - Poetry : "Burning Reasons for a Queen"

2006-11-17T19:04:00.000+08:00

Burning Reasons for a Queend. steine Because even the strongest of iceCould be broken and melted to washAway the dirt and dust of yesterday. Because this world is like that flowerWhose petals could only unfold and blossomAlong a stem whose skin is laced with thorns. Because your smile is not meantFor absent eyes nor your voice to beStranded in the mouth of the harbor,

Circa Amor - Poetry : Trust

2006-11-16T17:31:00.000+08:00

Trustby d. steine We were nearingThe depth of the night The gate to your room was already locked.Mother could not meet you in my house. I wonder if you were able to see my faceWhen you told me of your desire To witness the waking of the sunBeside me. Wary walking alongThe silent and empty streets,There was a music playing: in your voice. I found courage in

Circa Amor - Poetry : I Know

2006-11-14T09:44:00.000+08:00

I Knowd. steineI. I was not a seer on the night I foretold the end that was to come In our beginning. I only saw and heard With mortal eyes and mortal ears Your fragile promises sailing In the uncharted and dangerous ocean Waves thrashing between our islands So that it may reach me. I slept under the light of dead stars With dreams of holding your hand While we walk the

In Progress : Poetry : "Intimacy"

2006-11-14T09:42:00.000+08:00

IntimacyI lay there, still and silent Like the ruffled blanket Longing to be ruffled again With the imprints of last night’s love. With your eyelids of heaven and earth Embracing each other, I savored The blooming and harvest of your dreams With every caress of your breath on my chest Where you lay listening to the emerging Voice who would only speak your name.Note: things

Uncovering Covers

2006-11-14T09:39:00.000+08:00

it has not been easy, nor do i think it would be in the coming days. but then i always knew with a deep certainty that something only means a damn if it was alongside its ugly and opposite reflection. project life. my life. and its only fitting that death would be in the picture. not the usual death, but the different kinds of dying that is as varied as the different ways for living. going

Leaks...

2006-10-27T14:34:00.000+08:00

because in more respect than one, this is somehow how im feeling for the better part of my life. away from the smiles and belief, there is indeed that shallowness, that doubt, that shame that defines who i am. and yet, for all of them that are there, i am still here. this song has been on my player for quite a long time now, and i guess for a very good reason. "The Gift" Seether, Karma &

My Anime-ted Weekends

2006-10-20T19:36:00.000+08:00

I’m approximately 500 km. away from the place I call home. No blood relative in sight. The friends I had here have gone on to distant places, some are busy with school. I live alone. I eat alone. I do the laundry alone. I sleep alone. So what do I do? Escape. First it started with pirating softwares. If all those companies ever got to touch me, I might end up in jail for the rest of

No Closure

2006-10-18T12:05:00.000+08:00

No Closure As how things go, nobody would make a fuss or pause to think about the implications when things end up happy. I have observed that happiness is in some way like a big wave, it drowns us on the sensation of bliss that it brings. Not that I am a pessimistic person, being happy is a good thing in this world many has labeled crazy. But I have also seen what happiness could do

when i was gone....

2006-10-14T22:14:00.000+08:00

Its not that anybody missed me, but I just came back, because I have been gone for quite a few days.I mean, what was I supposed to do with a free two-way ride, an a-ok-ed permission to be absent from my boss?Incidentally, it was also the feast of the city that I love (whether said city loves me or not is a topic for another day). And since most of the people who matter most to me are there, what

Blue blooded Vagina Warrior + BigWig Theater Blues + Going Solo

2006-10-06T08:33:00.000+08:00

Because I am a blue blooded VAGINA Warrior. And proud of it. Yesterday, I finally got the slot as organizer for next year’s performance of the Vagina Monologues, which would serve as one of the highlights during the celebration of March as Filipino Women’s Month and March 8 as International Women’s Day. It’s a long way off, I know, and yet I’m busting my head in trying to hold

Gaps and Pauses + Poetry: before your eyes

2006-10-04T17:54:00.000+08:00

I was trying to write a work with an entirely different subject in mind. It had to be something about the foolishness in hoping that things would be as we desire it. What follows next is supposed to be the first paragraph that would serve as an opener, as the table where one would make a sacrifice, or a slaughter. But then I took a pause after I wrote these lines. And there lies the

A Certain Kind of Life, After Death

2006-10-04T17:44:00.000+08:00

Though I must admit that it brings a certain tinge of pride in myself for those who are in awe of my mediocre works, I wish there was some way that I could show them that the path that I have traveled to where I am now, the experience and the life that I am living in, each of my breaths that always edging closer to its end, I wish I could show them that these things that are essential to me are

Unveiling....

2006-09-28T15:32:00.000+08:00

Against The Dark of Death: Unveiling the Fires of Project Life About four years ago, I began to taste the price asked of me for the choices that I made in life. There I was, a frail man walking the streets of Zamboanga like any other person, and yet deep inside I was a cauldron of destructive and vengeful urges, of madness swirling all over my head, a despair unlike any I have known

...........

2006-09-27T10:49:00.000+08:00

Because I was taught to fashion words to be more than just a series of letters joined together, like carriages stringed and pulled forth by the train of our desires in the great railway of life. Because I was able to discern that words become nothing more than just mere graffiti, more painful as an empty page is to a poet when they are bloodless, just mere outlines inscribed somewhere to lead

Mediocrity + Confession + Poetry: Your Solitary Hunt

2006-09-25T11:08:00.000+08:00

I know it’s not a healthy habit, but I am fully aware of the “mediocrity” of my works. Well, most of them are, or so I tell myself. I am aware that even those that I deem strong enough to walk the open world on their own are revealed to be misshapen and malformed, as they are replicas of my soul. But that is ok. I have lost track of the number of works great and small that I have written

Notes from "Resident Exile" : My Chosen Poison

2006-09-24T14:58:00.000+08:00

I guess this is something I have always known, buts it’s just that I never really looked it up. Until now. So, it happens that I have come to thinking, and realizing, that that which makes us sad are not those things we find distasteful, it is not those we deem as betrayals, or faults committed against us. I have always been fascinated with people. I don’t know if this is something

Week Ends + Invitations + How to Make an Iligan Quilt + P.S.

2006-09-22T18:15:00.000+08:00

Its Friday once again, and another week has passed by. The past 5 days have been grueling, but for some reason, I still could smile. Its not everyone who finds a job that they truly love. And it got me to thinking that jobs themselves can be categorized in some way as to for whom you do the work. Working for the cause. Working for the person. Working for the money. It would be

Circa Ara - Poetry : Born Under

2006-09-21T08:26:00.000+08:00

I have never been afraid of playing under the rain. It was raining that night. As a child alone in the safe dryness of my room, I stretched my small hands outside the window Where the wind lent their wings to the raindrops Whom I waited for with my open palms After I had learned not to trip over my own feet Mamang told me I should go outside the garden I should wait for the rain,

being sorry

2006-09-19T17:51:00.000+08:00

(this was supposed to be my real entry until I “turned Japanese”) The reason why I rarely say “im sorry” is that I know that there is nothing that my apology would do. Aside from that, “im sorry” is one of the most abused phrases in the world (I bet you know the 3-word phrase that must be the most abused of them all!). it has lost its meaning anymore, and I am not keen on using bland

Turning Japanese

2006-09-19T17:46:00.000+08:00

Tuning Japanese “I'm turning JapaneseI think I'm turning JapaneseI really think so” - Turning Japanese, by The Vapors (1980) Not much to do on weekends or on free time, so I “waste” it on watching episode after episode, title after title of anime series I pirate over the net. Somehow, it feels as if am in Japan, considering I wait and

Circa Loco - Poetry: Open Doors

2006-09-18T15:06:00.000+08:00

Open Doors'Twas only when I no longer heard her voiceThat I heard mineScreaming her nameKristineAnd I wonder if she loves me stillAs I have, and am and always willAnd though I fear her fast fading echoesI hold on to them like the air that I breatheWhom withoutmy soul would chokeon the smoke of lonelinessand despairI hold on to them like her voice that I rememberHer voice that was the warm

What the Pope said and Why I Left...

2006-09-18T12:02:00.000+08:00

I wanted to keep myself mum about the grave and should I say stupid comments that the pope made which has triggered global response. And yet, when I think of it, it is things like this that serve as one of the reasons why I left the church. Either you are in, or you are out, as the cliché goes. And I chose to be out of it. I wonder what the pope was thinking when he made those comments.

Notes: So It Must Be...

2006-09-16T11:08:00.000+08:00

It is only fitting, and thus no reason for me to bawl over, that the fate of those who believe is a life that one must endure, a life that must be lived. Even as a child, I have always believed most in the certainty of one, and that is me. It is not that I shun the presence of those around me. Rather, it is when I started seeing the balance of hope and despair on those who love me that I

Draft from the chapter "The Consistency of Love": Bleeding Poetry

2006-09-12T13:45:00.000+08:00

I did not know I was bleeding poetry until she arrived that night, garbed in her white, led by drops of my verses to where I was.I have always preferred the glow of the Moon, or if in her absence, the smiles of the stars. But the glare of the lamp mirrored from her eyes held me, reflecting into and deep beyond the hollow caves of my own eyes, deeper into me, until it felt warm.She would have